What are "should" statements?
"Should" statements are cognitive assertions that impose rigid expectations on ourselves or others, often embedding strict and moralistic standards into our thinking patterns. These statements can be synonymous with terms such as "musterbation," coined by psychologist Albert Ellis, "necessitous thinking," "self-commands," or "injunctions." Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) recognize these as cognitive distortions.
Such statements typically contain an implicit demand on reality, oneself, or others, suggesting that there are precise ways things "must" be. This can lead to significant emotional distress when the expectations set by these "should" statements are not met.
Examples of "should" statements
"Should" statements can be negative thoughts that slip into daily thought without awareness, setting up unrealistic and sometimes unachievable expectations. Many people have had them—take a look:
- "I should always be successful."
- "People should treat me fairly."
- "I must do well, or I am a failure."
- "I should never feel tired at work."
- "I shouldn't complain about small things."
- "I should lose weight because I still look fat."
These statements can reinforce negative thought patterns by creating a gap between reality and expectations, often leading to disappointment, frustration, and even chronic discontent.
Why are "should" statements problematic?
"Should" statements are problematic because they tend to demand that reality conforms to an often unattainable ideal. This can create a significant emotional burden, as the persistence of these thoughts can lead to stress and emotional disorders like anxiety or depression. They often exacerbate feelings of guilt and shame when individuals or circumstances do not meet the rigid standards set by these statements.
Individuals can reduce emotional distress and promote a healthier, more adaptive mindset by challenging and reformulating "should" statements into more flexible and forgiving thoughts. This reevaluation is central to the therapeutic processes in CBT and REBT, aiming to transform these cognitive distortions into thoughts that support well-being and personal growth.










